I wonder what life would be life if certain things hadn’t happened. If people who used to be in love, never stopped loving each other. If passions never faded, and if dreams always came true.
What would life be like if the life you once thought you would have didn’t just disappear before your eyes?
When I was only three years old, I took my first dance class - ballet to be exact. I was clearly too young to actually realize what I was doing. But what I do remember was being nine years old and performing my first ever jazz solo. My heart was racing, the lights were so bright (and so was my purple velour unitard), and all I could see was the black of night auditorium in front of me. Not the hundreds of faces that were watching me as I danced along that stage. But it was just me, the music and my dancing. And when I finished, I was so damn proud of myself. And from that moment on, I fell in love with dancing. But it didn’t take long for me to outgrow my passion. Within two or three years, I felt inadequate to the girls who had been performing five days a week for their entire lives… So I stopped. And on account of the fact that my mom couldn’t afford my studio time anymore.
It just makes wonder… What would my life be like now if I never stopped dancing? If I kept performing on that stage - just me and the music and my dancing. What kind of person would I be now? What kind of life would I have? Would it be any different? Would I even like it? Or would I hate it?
When I was in high school, I used to love taking photos. My first, and only, digital SLR camera was a Canon XTi. She was my baby. I named her Lily. She ran me a whopping $700. I saved up my paychecks for weeks and weeks before I finally made the big move. And as soon as I got my hands on her, I couldn’t let her out of my sight. I took her everywhere with me. She helped me see the world in a different way. I was always so happy and adventurous and eager to shoot. The setting sun was, and always will be, my favorite thing to photograph. I still remember the most amazing sunset I’ve ever seen. It was during the fall of 2008. I was looking out of my bedroom window of my 3rd floor dorm and I was just left breathless. I couldn’t believe that the earth was capable of producing such a beautiful sky. It was as if someone had taken a paintbrush to the sky and turned it into a masterpiece. The saddest part is, I can’t remember the last time I picked up my camera…
So what would my life be like today if I hadn’t stopped taking photos? Would I be any different? Would I have chosen a different major in school? Would I have landed a different job?
And then there’s always the age old question… What would my life be like now if we hadn’t broken up? If we hadn’t fallen in love. Well, I could write for years about this. About you. About him. About us. But that would just take far too long and open up way too many old wounds. However, it’s nice when certain things remind me of you and the love we shared. How happy you made me and how carefree we were. At one point, we had a romance made for a movie, and that makes me smile. I just can’t help but wonder what we would be like today. If we were still in love. Or if we were to ever love again…
There are so many unanswered questions I have about my life. And there are so many things I wish I would have done differently. But at the same time, I wouldn’t be who I am today or where I am at this very moment if my life hadn’t panned out exactly as it has for the past 21 years.
