I honestly don’t know why I do this to myself. I’m always so much happier alone - without ever having to worry about someone else.
Every time I fall for a guy, I get so caught up in everything that’s going on. They essentially consume my thoughts. I’m always wondering what they’re doing, why they’re not texting me, if they like me, if they hate me, if I’m annoying them, if they’re seeing other people, if the things they say to me are exactly what they say to someone else. It literally eats me up inside and I go into this like depression.
It’s always in the beginning when it’s too early to ask questions but too early to tell if all the right signs are there. So I worry and I worry and I worry. I make myself crazy over a guy who probably doesn’t even give a shit about me. Hence, why I’m writing this right now. I have so much on my mind but I can’t talk to him about it - and talking to a friend won’t help either.
I just know what I need to do, but I can’t take my own advice. I can’t just not worry or wonder. I can’t just leave it be and let things happen. I always have to know what’s going on and what’s on their minds. And yet, time and time again I get hurt. I get left. I get played. Each and every guy takes a piece of me with them and never gives it back. They break me a little bit more every single time.
I was so closed of and so shut down for so long, then someone came along and made me vulnerable again. He broke down the wall… and then he left without giving me the strength to build it back up again. And that strength is so hard to find.
So here I am.. alone again. Still broken. Pieces are still missing. And I’m just going to keep worrying until this one takes a piece of me and leaves me a little more broken than I was before.